The Michelin Man Is Fucking Creepy
We had to write a short essay about a symbol or logo for my Context for Comedy class. I chose…
Yes, the Michelin man. Why? Because 1) why the hell not, and 2) satan himself clearly designed him. The essay is as follows.
Of all of the symbols and logos we see on an everyday basis, none horrify and disgust quite like the Michelin tire man. This revolting and terrifying sentient tire pile has been haunting the dreams of children, small animals, and race car drivers for over a century. The most obvious question remains to be asked: where on God’s earth did this hauntingly disfigured cartoon demon come from? Why is he so eager to sell us the tires we drive on?
The Michelin man, or “Bibendum” as he is officially known, is the result of the presumably deranged Michelin brothers looking at a pile of tires at the Lyon Exhibition in 1894 and thinking “I bet people would like to see that move around and talk to them. It would probably sell lots of our rubber tires because it would be so safe and not-monstrous looking!” The first Bibendum was created by French poster artist O’Galop and has been reimagined countless times by countless artists, all presumably under the influence of opiates or that fluid people use to dust off their keyboards and other valuable electronics. Bibendum has always been drawn to emulate what the Michelin corporation describes as the “customer of the time,” while his shape was guided by the “silhouette of tires.” It is obvious that Michelin has stuck to their design ideals loyally as today’s Michelin Man is by far the fattest and stupidest version created since the mascot’s inception in 1894. Though his tire breadth and tread patterns have changed over time, he has always remained the deranged pile of talking tires we have grown to fear deeply. He also adopted a dog named Bubbles pretty recently, but no one is scared of Bubbles because he more or less looks like a giant white turd.
In 1984 mankind managed to create a mascot that had the power to slay Bibendum once and for all, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. Unfortunately, while performing a short cameo on the set of Ghostbusters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow man became a host body for the demon Gozer and the project was shelved. Stay Puft will be unable to emancipate us from the oppressive and terrifying Bibendum until Bill Murray signs off on Ghostbusters 3, an event that is scheduled to happen when hell freezes over.
Bibendum’s name is Latin and roughly translates to “ the act of drinking” or “drinking to be done,” a strange name for a mascot that is supposed to be peddling tires that enhance vehicular safety. Suspicious? I say yes, but no investigative progress has been made as the CIA refuses to return my calls.
The Michelin tire Man: lovable icon or horrifying conspiracy figurehead that encourages drunk driving among today’s youth? I’ll let you decide. But for the record, it’s definitely the latter.
